Hockey Wilderness Rumor Generator 2000: Maiden Voyage

Yesterday, we asked you to mail in your "fact" based tidbits of information. We will then feed this information into the Hockey Wilderness Rumor Generator 2000, a machine invented by the nefarious MBennett. After a few test runs, we feel the machine has been installed correctly, is fully functioning, and we have issued the final payment.

That's right, this machine is fully paid for. That means if it gets broken, Nathan has to fix it. Add to the list, boss. Right after your furnace and water heater.

What does the Rumor Generator 2000 have in store for you today? Make the jump and find out.

Special Agent 00Zero, JMarushin, filed his intelligence report last night. Here is the information we garnered from this highly prized field agent:

I once dreamed that Pierre-Marc Bouchard was watching a movie with my friends and I; we later got into a fight in the dream (a serious punch-you-in-the-face fight). When I woke up, I read Niklas Backstrom's Diary, he secretly hates being called Nick or Nicklas but prefers being called "Nicky B." It also revealed that despite public admittances to the otherwise, Cam Barker absolutely loves movies starring Shaquille O'Neal. After a quick flight on the HWCIA plane, I was in Pittsburgh. While digging through Evgeni Malkin's trash I found several parcels of mail from organizations such as the EPA, Greenpeace, and the Arbor Day Foundation, all thanking him for his "contributions."

This is certainly a bevvy of secret information. We called MBennett back in since this was such a large chunk of information for the HWRG2000 to process on its first run. There were some sparks, some whining from the bowels of the machine, and finally a phone call to the head of HW IT, SpaethCo.

The following rumors have been verified as absolutely true. They are confirmed with "sources close to the situation," and "people with inside knowledge." They chose not to be identified, but that is most likely due to the fact that they don't actually exist.

Getting to the rumors.


The dream about Butch yielded this:


RUMOR: It is well known that concussions are dangerous. Fighting with concussions, not a smart move. This reminds us of a not very smart fighter named Rocky Balboa. Rocky, a poor Italian kid from Philly grew up knowing his only way of "making it in this world" was in the ring. Based upon the evidence of this dream, I think it is clear that the Flyers have a major interest in PMB.

What the HWRG2000 failed to predict is who would come back from Philly in the deal. Likely Claude Giroux, as the Wild want to make amends for not drafting him when they had the chance.

Backstrom likes to be called "Nicky B?"

RUMOR: With the New York Islanders and New Jersey Devils desperate for a real goalie, this makes sense. Nicky B has always been a fan of the mob lifestyle, and with the property and ownership situations on the island, and strong mob presence on the Jersey Shore, Backstrom would be a "perfect fit." This is clearly a sign of a Jonathan Tavares or Zach Parise for Niklas Backstrom trade in the very near future.

Cam Barker enjoys Shaq Movies

RUMOR: Shaq and Kobe Bryant don’t get along. They publicly say they don’t like one another, which clearly leads us to this conclusion...Cam Barker is actually Kobe Bryant. You have never seen them in the same room together...have you?

While this doesn't remove Barker from the roster, it does explain quite a bit of his footwork issues. I defy you to disprove this one.

Evgeni Malkin to San Jose?

RUMOR: You have to love a commie with a heart for the environment. Malkin’s initiatives for climate change have been scoffed at in the industrial city of Pittsburgh. Something about steel mills doesn’t sit well with this Leftist-Pinko-Commie’s mindset. He is demanding a change of scenery...he wants to be near the Redwoods, fresh air, Big Sur, and hippie colonies. That is right, the Pittsburgh Penguins are in talks with the Sharks about a trade for Malkin.

Yikes. Looks like Biznasty had a hand in programming this thing. "Malkin to the Kings" is not going to enjoy this particular rumor. I also thought that the HWRG2000 was only supposed to spit out rumors about the Wild. Oh well, this was a good one, and I think we scooped Hockey Buzz. Which is all that really matters.

 

Now that we have all the bugs worked out of this thing, please, field agents, send in your intelligence reports. We rely on you for the vital information needed to feed the HWRG2000!

HWRumors(at)Hotmail(dot)com or, find us on Twitter.

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