Hockey Wilderness Power Rankings: 11-18-2011

What does this Harley have to do with power rankings? About as much as our power rankings have to do with anything related to hockey.

Ever wondered why Hockey Wilderness doesn't talk about power rankings very much? No? Yeah, us either. However, with the power rankings season in full swing, Hockey Wilderness has decided to get off the side lines and join in. 

Why you ask? Well, you see, power rankings are always good for hits. Rank the 30 teams in an order of your preference, generally without any reason for those rankings, and piss off enough fans to make them stop by and comment on your site, thus raising your page views and making the boss happy. 

Problem is, the boss around here doesn't care much about page views, nor does the second in command. We do, however, care deeply about cynicism and snark in the hopes of entertaining our base. 

With that, we bring you the first ever Hockey Wilderness Power Rankings. 

Our basis for the rankings this week? The combined total of the top line players' sweater numbers (Their CSN score). Tie breaker goes to the team with the highest points in the standings. Seems an entirely too obvious way to do things. How about this? Tie goes to the team with the most letters among those players' names (LPN score). Upon a tie in that category, we'll go with starting goalie's sweater number (SGSN score). 

Lines courtesy of Daily Faceoff. 

Much better.

Our Rankings

Eastern Conference

Rank

Team

CSN

LPN

SGSN

1

Tampa Bay Lightning

161

2

New York Islanders

157

3

Toronto Maple Leafs

142

4

Boston Bruins

119

5

Philadelphia Flyers

115

18

30

6

Pittsburgh Penguins

115

18

29

7

Winnipeg Jets

109

8

Carolina Hurricanes

87

9

New York Rangers

73

10

Montreal Canadiens

67

11

Buffalo Sabres

64

12

Florida Panthers

55

13

Washington Capitals

47

14

Ottawa Senators

42

15

New Jersey Devils

40

Tough break for the Penguins, losing on the second tie breaker. By one. Marc-Andre Fleury screwed you. You should probably trade him for Jose Theodore. And what say you Pens and Flyers fans? Your top lines have the same total number from sweater numbers AND the same number of letters in those player's names. That just creepy. 

Look at that number from the Bolts. Yowza. 

Western Conference

Rank

Team

CSN

LPN

SGSN

1

St. Louis Blues

136

2

Phoenix Coyotes

134

3

Chicago Blackhawks

125

4

Detroit Red Wings

120

5

Edmonton Oilers

111

6

Dallas Stars

102

7

Vancouver Canucks

91

8

Columbus Blue Jackets

86

9

Colorado Avalanche

77

10

Nashville Predators

75

11

San Jose Sharks

66

12

Calgary Flames

63

13

Los Angeles Kings

37

14

Minnesota Wild

34

21

15

Anaheim Ducks

34

16

So the Ducks and Wild go to the tie breaker, and the Wild game up just short. That's what happens with injuries, though. See how much the loss of Guillaume Latendresse hurts this team? In this situation, the Wild have a real chance of being the worst team in the league. 

Numbers you can trust, ladies and gentlemen. Hope you enjoyed our first ever Hockey Wilderness Power Rankings. If you have any suggestions on how to rank the teams next week, leave them in the comment section. 

Forgotten Stick Tap while writing this late Wednesday night to Mr. Mike Bennett. This was his wonderful idea to use the stats you see above. 

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