Click on All of These Links

Tyler Bozak listens to instructions from assistant coach Greg Cronin about how to properly click on links to information you already have to soothe the psychologically needy.

Here are the one-time morning links. Make sure you click on all of them. You will learn all kinds of things that you could not possibly have already known without clicking on them, because they are filled with Earth shattering, never before seen information. I mean, the first link is letter of the alphabet. What sort of crap is that? You can't use letters for anything, at least, not until after you click on the links and learn this previously unknown information. They say a hurricane is gonna hit the Gulf coast. How can they possibly not know exactly where it is going to hit yet? They have thousands of these things tracked, yet they can't tell anyone exactly when they should evacuate and who can stay? I'm not a meteorologist, this is just my misinformed opinion of the matter. No, I don't care the hear about your "evacuation zones" or "multiple land fall predictions." Weathermen are always exactly right. Everybody knows that.

What were we talking about? Oh yeah. Water being a cure and prevention method for dehydration. I've never been dehydrated. Far as I can tell it's just a myth created to make me click on links to information that I never could have found on my own, and could not possibly have known before the links were posted. Mississippi River? The state? Yeah, I don't think I can drink a state, so how could they prevent dehydration? It's not the Amazon for goodness sake.

So what I'm really saying is never read anything in context, and don't ever not click on links to information that you already know. That would be awful. You gotta follow like a sheep. If the whole world stands against you sword in hand, would you still dare to need a link to tell you there are a number of swords around you?

Obvious Information Links - YOU MUST CLICK ON THESE

Letters of the English Alphabet

Who knew there were so many? And different kinds? And sizes?

The Fourth of July is Independence Day in the United States

Why must they confuse us by making it on the same day for 236 years?

The Pope is Catholic

How the guy gets away with being discriminatory, and not believing in all gods is beyond me.

Jack Daniel's Makes Whiskey

Without clicking this link, you would have thought they make cornpuffs.

Past Performance Does Not Necessarily Predict Future Results

But hey, just trust that stock broker on the phone, because he has numbers to back him up.

Going 60 miles Per Hour, It Will Take One Hour to Drive 60 Miles

Without clicking this link, you will never know how far you can drive in an hour at a given speed.

The Sun is Bigger than Earth

It's crazy, right, because the sun looks so small. Good thing you have this link to save you!

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