A Guide To Being A Colorado Avalanche Fan

Also known as: How To Twist Reality To Suit Your Needs—Physics, English Language, Rules and Logic Be Damned.

Step 1: That which does not support your argument does not exist.

Examples: NHL rulebooks, the English language, the American justice system, NHL statistics.

Step 2: The sun does in fact revolve around Colorado.

Examples: Injuries to players only happen to our team. Cooke is the only dirty player in this series. Bad penalties called against the Avs could have somehow hypothetically in an alternate universe potentially effected the outcome of the game…it just didn’t happen during a game-changing moment.

Step 3: Accuse any team of playing a trap system when they do not allow the Avs to enter the offensive zone at full speed and with lots of space.

Examples: Every good NHL team.

Step 4: Every fan base should have a civil discourse with you. This discourse should always end with them agreeing with you on everything or else they are mindless homers that don't know anything about hockey.

Examples: Every Wild fan should apologize forever and ever for winning Game 3 because Matt Cooke took out perennial Norris trophy candidate Tyson Barrie which if we lose the series will be our #1 excuse (see step 5) for losing but if win it will be because of the greatness of Patrick Roy and 18-year-old Nathan MacKinnon who is 18 years old, see step 7.

Step 5: If the Avs lose it is because Tyson Barrie was injured by Matt Cooke and the Minnesota Wild should have forfeited the rest of the games in this series for hiring him. This same logic is not used for the Avs having McLeod, please see Step 1.

Example: See games 3 and 4

Step 6: If the Avs lose it is because the other team is a bunch of thugs.

Example: Landeskog and McLeod in Game 5—wait, I mean all the Wild players in this whole series.

Step 7: Remind every other fanbase that MacKinnon is only 18 years old.

Example: Read any post referencing MacKinnon on any forum.

Step 8: Follow the rules of Mile High Hockey. While the rules state "don’t be a dick" what the rules really mean is don’t have a different opinion of other MHH members even though you signing up makes you a MHH member but that doesn’t count because see Step 1 of this guide.

Example: The treatment of any dissenting post on Mile High Hockey.

Step 9: Always look to judge other teams but NEVER look to apply the same judgment to our team--the one true team of all of Westeros.

Example: Every post we've made about why our team is better than the Minnesota Wild.

Step 10: Only take the moral high ground when it suits you. If it doesn’t please repeat this phrase: "It’s hockey what do you expect?"

Example: Any time the Avs goon it up themselves.

This has been a ho-to guide on becoming an Avs fan. Thanks for reading and happy supporting of the greatest, cleanest team in the NHL that never does anything wrong but continues to fight injustice at every corner. We really are saints.

Author's note: Nathan MacKinnon is only 18 years old.

The opinions posted here are not those of Hockey Wilderness

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