Hello Hockey Wilderness,
You may remember me from my How-To guide on being a Colorado Avalanche fan. If not, it’s located here…
/ cross promoting
I’d like to take this time to share with you the reasons why the Colorado Avalanche will win Game 6 tonight against the Minnesota Wild.
While it’s no secret that Mike Yeo put a New Orleans Saints-esque bounty out on perennial Norris trophy candidate Tyson Barrie another top star that has been missing from this series is Matt "Summer’s Eve" Duchene. It is being rumored that he may be in the lineup for tonight’s game. Can you imagine Summer’s Eve Duchene along with 18-year-old Nathan MacKinnon who is only 18 years old? I can not only imagine it but sum it up in one word!
But for real folks, this team is so young and so talented that there is no way we will "regress back to the mean" like so many people have been saying. We aren’t a lucky team that is winning based on our goalie, Vezina candidate and "allegedly" model-citizen, Semyon Varlamov. We are a team that is built around youngness (it's a real word) and speed and being young and quick.
Do you want to talk about shitheels and scums of the earth? Then let’s talk about Matt Cooke and not THE YOUNGEST CAPTAIN IN THE NHL GABRIEL "MAY I BORROW YOUR STICK PLEASE? NO? THEN I SHALL PUNCH YOU WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING" LANDESKOG. Also, let’s not talk about Cody McLeod, alright? Any team that employs Matt Cooke for the sole purpose of establishing a forecheck and to put him on the penalty kill is a team that doesn’t have its damn priorities straight. Again, I don’t want to say that this team should forfeit all its games due to the blatant and on-purpose knee-to-knee hit but they should forfeit all their games.
Let it also be known that another reason America’s God team will win Game 6 is because the Avs play a fast paced offensive game with no defense that relies on strong goaltending to bail them out from a guy having a career year. Any team that doesn’t play this way—i.e. The Minnesota Mild (see what I did there?)—are simply talentless hockey hacks. The Minnesota Wild is known for strong forechecking and a strong neutral zone game that is used to negate our team’s only strength. Pathetic if you ask me. Play exactly like us and how we want you to play or just get the hell out of the NHL already, ok? It’s boring hockey and it doesn’t do anything to promote the game. You’re boring. You’re domination in the offensive zone for Games 2, 3 and 4 is boring. Only letting us get 12 shots on goal in Game 4 is boring. What don’t you get about that being boring for people—particularly Avs fans?!?!?!? Your team obviously interferes and holds during every play especially when the net is empty and you will obviously score an empty-net goal to seal the win.
In other news, Patrick Roy is breaking down doors—pun not allegedly intended--in the NHL with his strategy of pulling the goalie early in the game. You can bet that when we are down goals tonight Roy will be going back to the well with this one. This this type of hockey genius that has us being bailed out by the refs to win games. Suck it Minnesota, America’s God hates you!
Speaking of being saved by the refs, look for the Avs to win this game similar to how they won Games 1 and 5.--by sucking for 3 periods and then getting bailed out at the last minute by refs that won’t make obvious calls. You can’t fight destiny.