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Transcript of Inside The Colorado Avalanche Locker Room

Hello again Hockey Wilderness Readers! First, while my prediction for the Avs to win game 6 may have been wrong I stand by the fact that the Avs will win this series tonight during Game 7. As I continue my look into the hottest and youngest team in the NHL I had an opportunity to take part in today’s team meeting after the morning skate. Below is a transcript of the events that transpired.

Transcript taken from inside the Colorado Avalanche locker room April 30, 2014 at 9:36 a.m.

(Players from God’s team the Colorado Avalanche walk into the locker room. The most notable among them is Gabriel Landeskank, Matt "Summer’s Eve" Duchene, Cody McLeod and 18-year-old Nathan MacKinnon.)

Landeskank: I know a lot of people think we are too young and are not prepared for the pressures of a Game 7. As the youngest captain in the NHL I say they’re wrong.

(Landeskank polishes up his shiny C on this jersey lustfully.)

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MacKinnon: And as an 18-year-old, I say can somebody give me a ride home after we’re done?

Landeskank: You’re 18-year-old Nathan MacKinnon. You can drive now remember?

MacKinnon: I CAN DRIVE MYSELF NOW!!!!!


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Landeskank: Before we start watching tape, I want to make sure everybody knows their role tonight. MacKinnon?

MacKinnon: Be 18 years old.

Landeskank: Summer’s Eve Duchene?

Duchene: Forever live in the shadow of an eternal 18 year old.

Landeskank: McLeod?

McLeod:

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Landeskank: And my job is to be the youngest captain ever in the NHL and continue to let people know why I was selected captain in the first place!

Duchene: Because the team was a huge shit mountain a few years ago and you were the proverbial shit king on top?

Landeskank: FUCK YOU DUCHENE! WHY DON’T YOU GO BACK TO WHERE YOU BELONG????

(Summer’s Eve Duchene walks up to 18-year-old MacKinnon and stands behind him. In his shadow.)

Landeskank: I’m sorry you all had to witness—

(Coach Patrick Roy "enters" the locker room.)

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Coach Roy: PULL THE GOALIE!!!!

MacKinnon: 18 YEARS OLD!

Landeskank: YOUNGEST CAPTAIN!!

Duchene: (Stands in the shadow of MacKinnon)

McLeod: HODOR!

Coach Roy: Ok team, tonight we’re going to try a different strategy than we’ve done for most of the other games this series. We’re going to try to lead the game by the middle of the third period. I know this is a new concept for us but I think it will really through those Minnesota Wild players for a loop.

Landeskank: Good strategy Coach Roy! They’ll never see it coming!

Duchene: Yeah, this way--

Landeskank: SHUT THE FUCK UP DUCHENE! SHADOWS DON’T TALK!

Coach Roy: Landeskank, I need you grabbing sticks, punching backs of heads and going to the dirty areas on the ice. 18-year-old MacKinnon I need you to need me to need you. McLeod, I want you on the ice to remind everybody of what a Duchene you are. Ok?

McLeod: Hodor.

Coach Roy: Landeskank, this is one of the youngest teams and you’re the youngest captain in the NHL. Are they prepared?

Landeskank: Like babies needing diapers.

MacKinnon: Speaking of which, it’s juice-and-goldfish o’clock. Can we hurry up? I’m getting sleepy and the game starts late tonight.

Landeskank: Ok guys. Let’s watch some game tape then call it a practice.

(Landeskank hits play on the DVD player.)

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Duchene: But MacKinnon and I already saw this one!

Landeskank, Coach Roy, and MacKinnon: SHUT THE FUCK UP DUCHENE!!!!!

McLeod: HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Fade to black...)

The opinions posted here are not those of Hockey Wilderness

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