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Wild Math and Zach Parise

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Once you get to the end of this post, you may better understand Mr. Parise's reaction in the above image.
Once you get to the end of this post, you may better understand Mr. Parise's reaction in the above image.

Recently, Charlie Walters of the Pioneer Press did an interview with JP Parise (DTBL advisory board member, former North Star, and all around wonderful human being). That's JP Parise, who jokes that he went from being JP Parise to being "Zach's dad." When it comes to news, everyone in local news wants the local connection. In JP, they have the local connection to the Zach Parise sweepstakes.

There are a number of reasons why we here at Hockey Wilderness might like to see Zach in Iron Range Red. We have written about it here before (and likely will again), and I even have a piece on the topic over at SBNation Minnesota today.

In that piece, there is talk about the "fun and winning" JP brings up as things Zach is looking for. To be blunt, the Wild don't have much of that going for them. After publishing that piece, Mr. Bennett took me down a road of discovery, and there may be more to this than we think.

Join us after the jump for the math that just might bring Zach Parise home again.

Zach wants fun? We've got fun here in Minnesota. Skiing, fishing, hunting, trails to bike and run, tons of outdoor space just waiting to be used. Oh. And we have this:


That's more fun than any six people can handle, there. A mullet. Party in the back, baby!

Now, we need to address the winning. There isn't any way to dress up the record to look like a winning program. Even with the NHL's convoluted points system, 29-30-10 is still a losing record. For this to be successful, we're going to need to be less than diplomatic. We're going to need to import some winning.


Someone stock up on tiger blood.

If the plan can be made to work, the math becomes simple:



Thus concludes your math lesson for the day. We hope that we have not damaged too many of your brain cells in the production of this post. Enjoy the game tonight, folks.