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Zach Parise Files: I'll Have Another Withdraws from Belmont Stakes

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Come on. The horse is wearing a 9. This is too easy.
Come on. The horse is wearing a 9. This is too easy.

We here at Hockey Wilderness have made the commitment to keeping you informed on how all of the top news around sports impacts the possibility of Zach Parise signing with the Minnesota Wild. No, you didn't ask us to, and no, you probably don't want us to, but we are here for you. We are nothing if not receptive to your feedback.

Or, we're hubristic. Or maybe that was just me. I can't remember.

This morning, it was announced that I'll Have Another will not race in the Belmont Stakes, meaning the horse is forfeiting its chance at the Triple Crown of horse racing. The jokes were immediate. Russo mentioned that I'll Have Another should really step it up, being this is the playoffs and all. BD Gallof noted the silver lining that glue prices should go down a bit.

Me? I wondered what this means for NHL free agency, and specifically Zach Parise.

About a month ago, we looked at what I'll Have Another winning the Kentucky Derby meant for Parise. Here was our conclusion:

Of course, eliminating seven teams doesn't much help when there are another 23 to deal with. We need better information. Deeper digging. Or do we? Perhaps the answer is right in front of our faces. I'll Have Another's trainer is Doug O'Neill. O'Neill was born in Dearborn, Michigan. He currently resides in Southern California.

This is a sign, the agents say, that Parise is leaning toward the Ducks, Kings, or Red Wings. The owner of the horse currently resides in? Southern California. The Kentucky Derby is the "Run for the Roses." Where is the Rose Bowl played? That's right. Southern California.

Kings fans and Ducks fans may want to start investing in their Parise sweaters now.

Now that I'll Have Another has withdrawn, chaos has ensued. At this point, we can only conclude that as the Red Wings submit an offer to Parise, Ken Holland will come up lame, not be able to sign the offer, and withdraw from the competition. As a consolation prize, Little Caesars will bring back the "Pizza, Pizza" commercials.

In SoCal, the Kings and Ducks will see this as an opportunity to land Parise, but their fans will deride it as "an empty win since the Red Wings didn't even run." It will be so embarrassing, that both teams with withdraw. The Kings will simply go back to drinking from the Cup, while the Ducks will... um... do what ever it is the Ducks do. Perfect the Flying V?

Of course, the conspiracy nuts in us all want this to means something more. Maybe I'll Have Another withdrew to save his strength for another task. Something so monumental, racing in the Belmont and winning the Triple Crown would simply be too much on top of preparing for this exercise.

From @ShaneofMN on Twitter, the answer becomes clear:


Well done, Shane. Well done, indeed. Of course, with a man named Shane making this suggestion, perhaps we are set to relive this scene. You know, because no one named Shane has ever had this joke made to them. Ever.