Bye, Bye North American Ice

Have you ever wondered if Don McLean was a hockey fan? We never really did, but one of our favorite people in the world (who asked to remain nameless on this one) wondered, and rewrote the song American Pie to be a lockout tune. If you want your laugh of the day, be sure to read the entire thing.

This is exactly the type of thing we are going to need to get through this lockout mess, Wilderness. The creative genius of this song makes me wish my brain could work with music well enough to rewrite everything Pantera ever recorded for the same purpose. Alas, we shall rely on better minds, and we shall get the wonderful stylings you find after the jump.

Don't miss this one. You'll probably want to warn your co-workers about random outbursts of laughter as well.

Enjoy.

To the tune of "American Pie" by Don McLean

A long, long time ago

I can still remember how

That hockey used to make me smile

And I knew that if I had my shot

I could make them say "why not"

And maybe they'd be happy, for a while

But September made me shiver

With every news conference they delivered

Bad news on the IPad,

A lockout makes me so mad!

I can't remember if I cried,

When I read about what Gary tried

But something touched me deep inside

**** The day, that hockey died ****

So bye, bye North American iiiice,

Drove my Zamboni like a pony, but the pony done died...

And good old boys were signing Parise n Ryan,

Singing, this will be the day the league dies,

This will be the day the league diiiies....

Did you write the CBA,

Do you have faith it gets signed some day?

If that Bettman tells you so?

Now do you believe they're smoking a bowl?

Can hockey, save your mortal soul?

And can you teach me moves like Del Zotto?

Well, I know that you're in love with Fehr

Cause you think he's like a ..teddy bear

You both kicked off your skate

Man, I did this lockout hate!

I was a lonely teenage Bantam player

With an Easton stick and some flowin' hair

But I knew that they just didn't care

**** The day, that hockey died ****

I started signin'

Bye, bye North American iiiice,

Drove my Zamboni like a pony, but the pony done died...

And good old boys were signing Parise n Ryan,

Singing, this will be the day the league dies,

This will be the day the league diiiies....

Now, for 8 years we've been a shufflin'

And moss grows fat on an idle Byfuglien

But that's not how he used to beeee

When Nickleback sang that NHL show

In a coat they borrowed from Boudreau

And a voice that came from you and meee

Oh and when Lamoriello was looking down

That Leipold stole his Parise crown

The bargaining was adjourned

No agreement was returned!

And while Leno read a book on Sharks

The players can't practice in their own parks

And the fans were just left, in the dark

**** The day, that hockey died ****

We started signin'

Bye, bye North American iiiice,

Drove my Zamboni like a pony, but the pony done died...

And good old boys were signing Parise n Ryan,

Singing, this will be the day the league dies,

This will be the day the league diiiies....

Helter Skelter, Kane said he never felt her

The Hawks covered up like a fallout shelter

.20 and climbing faaaaast

And Burnzie cleared it off the glass

The players tried for a forward pass

But that Bettman said hey, kiss my aaaaass

Now intermission air was sweet Grain Belt

And my waffle cone it started to melt

We all got up for Kiss-Cam,

But we're locked out now - Damn!

Cause the players tried to take the ice

But the NHL, it wasn't so nice

We hope Bettman gets body lice

**** The day, that hockey died ****

We started singing...

Bye, bye North American iiiice,

Drove my Zamboni like a pony, but the pony done died...

And good old boys were signing Parise n Ryan,

Singing, this will be the day the league dies,

This will be the day the league diiiies....

Oh, and there we were all at the draft

Excited for the season n all that crap

Now there's no time left to start again

So come on Rick be nimble, Rick be quick,

Rick Nash, sat on a candlestick

Cause, fire is Bettman's only friend

And as I watched him on the tube

I wanted to punch that worthless boob

No angel born in hell

Could break this gridlock spell

And as the Flames climbed high into the night

Not in the standings, but that's alright

Bettman was laughing, with delight

**** The day, that hockey died ****

He was singing...

Bye, bye North American iiiice,

Drove my Zamboni like a pony, but the pony done died...

And good old boys were signing Parise n Ryan,

Singing, this will be the day the league dies,

This will be the day the league diiiies....

TJ Oshie plays for the Blues

And I asked him for some happy news

But he just deked and turned away

I went down to the sacred rink

The door was locked cuz Bettman's a dink

But the man there said the players couldn't play

And in the streets Canucks fans screamed

The Devils cried, and the Islanders dreamed

But not a word was spoken

About how Koivu's leg got broken

And the two men I admire most-

Gretzky, Broduer, but not Claude Provost-

They caught the last train for the coast-

**** The day, that hockey died ****

We were singing...

Bye, bye North American iiiice,

Drove my Zamboni like a pony, but the pony done died...

And good old boys were signing Parise n Ryan,

Singing, this will be the day the league dies,

This will be the day the league diiiies....

Now go back and sign along