Operation Mongoose: Picking the Wild's New Goal Song(s)

The Canucks started it, but we're taking it to a whole new level

By mntrumpterguy@LoonyShark Oct 15, 2015, 9:00am CDT

The Vancouver Canucks do few things well. On the (very short list) that I could make it is: employ twins whom I cannot differentiate, come up with awesome ideas. You read that link right: the Canucks are going to have a separate goal song for each player who scores.

The problem with that is self-evident: are the Canucks even ALLOWED to score goals? So, let's do this, but for the Wild. Make the FO's job a little easier.

Here's my picks for goal songs for each player on the team:

The Forwards

Ryan Carter:

Reasoning: When a defense-first PKer scores, clearly there's something supernatural in the air.

Charlie Coyle:

Reasoning: uh, check the band name dude.

Justin Fontaine:

Reasoning: Fontaine->FonTrain-> Crazy Train

Mikael Granlund:

Reasoning: Granny is wild, and he is young.

Tyler Graovac:

Reasoning: There was only ever one choice.

Erik Haula:

Reasoning: Haula b egins with a what? That's right.

Mikko Koivu:

Reasoning: He comes from the land of the ice and snow.

Nino Niederreiter:

Reasoning: There was only ever one choice.

Zach Parise:

Reasoning: We'll be hearing it a lot. It comes on and we say: "whelp here it goes AGAIN"

Jason Pominville:

Reasoning: When Pommer gets his snipe on, it's just like the Old West

Chris Porter:

Reasoning: Porter, Port, Beer.

Jordan Schroeder:

Reasoning: Dream Theater Shreds

Thomas Vanek:

Reasoning: With how much hate he gets, how could it NOT be this?

Jason Zucker:

Reasoning:

The Defensemen

Jonas Brodin:

Reasoning: With how Brodin skates, he could strut all day long.

Matt Dumba:

Reasoning: Dumba's got a BOMB of a shot.

Christian Folin:

Reasoning: Folin is called "Thor." What is Thor's weapon?

Gustav Olofsson:

Reasoning: GOOSE-tav Olofsson. And the real star of Top Gun is???

Nate Prosser:

Reasoning: He's from around here, isn't he?

Mike Reilly:

Reasoning: Reilly Coyote

Marco Scandella:

Reasoning: Again, there was only one choice here.

Jared Spurgeon:

Reasoning: He just can't stop Spurging!

Ryan Suter:

Reasoning: If Suter is scoring, he probably made a deal with the devil. #2in14

The Goalies

Niklas Backstrom:

Reasoning: If Backstrom is scoring, we're probably already asking this question.

Devan Dubnyk:

Reasoning: He's a midnight toker.

Darcy Kuemper:

Reasoning: If you're letting a goalie score, you're probably on hash.

Historical Picks

Andrew Brunette:

Reasoning: This, I think, represents Bruno's message to the PP.

Brent Burns:

Reasoning: The video even has a PICTURE of him!

Dany Heatley:

Reasoning: Should be obvious... Heatley ain't quick.

Marian Gaborik

Reasoning: Seemed like Gabby was always shattered.

Clayton Stoner:

Reasoning: Figure it out!

Pierre-Marc Bouchard:

Reasoning: Spin-o-rama indeed!

Matt Cooke:

Reasoning: Pretty sure this is what Cooke listened to before most games. I have it on good authority.

Kyle Brodziak:

Reasoning: Of course he'll score on a breakaway... SOMEDAY, I suppose.

Well, what do you think, Wilderness? Have any ideas for personalized goal songs of your own? Any violent disagreements over my picks? Heck, make a list of your own in the fanposts and link it below!